All over the place

Aarrgghh!  Not again!

If I had written this entry on Wednesday, immediately after coming home from my 2-mile test run, I would have been euphoric.  If I had written this entry on Thursday, immediately after coming home from A&E, I would have been so despondent and tearful that...well, that I would have been sitting weeping and wailing under my duvet rather than writing anything.  But I am writing this entry today, where it all has changed again.

On Wednesday, I had a bit of initial discomfort while walking to the start of the run, but it quickly faded.  The first half-mile of my slow jog was painful, but it was a pain that came and went.  There was discomfort in my hip on impact - which varied between 1 and 3 on a 10-point pain scale - for the rest of the run; it was manageable and I felt that I had perhaps turned the corner on my injury.  And then I got out of bed the next morning.

But running IS my life...

I couldn't put my full weight on my leg.  My quad had seized up and there was pain radiating into my back and down my leg.  It hurt to sit.  Walking was painful and slow.  Although it eased off a bit over the next hour or so, I was very very worried.  (Yes, I had never completely gotten the stress fracture scenario out of my head.)  So I went to A&E before work.  The very nice A&E doctor examined me, twisted my leg and hip this way and that, suggested that I take up biking instead, went off to read up about stress fractures in runners (yep, that instilled confidence), came back and pushed my leg and hip this way and that, told me how much she hated running and couldn't see the point of it, and then sent me off for an x-ray. 

There was no sign of a stress fracture on the x-ray but then, there wouldn't have been at this stage.  I could have told her that.  Her opinion, though, is that this is a soft tissue injury.  Her recommendation?  No activity AT ALL for the next two weeks and forget about the marathon.  My sobs at this moved her to say, 'Okay, no activity for the next week and come back to the follow-up clinic next Thursday and we'll see how you're getting on.'  If my hip hasn't gotten better by then, they could refer me for an MRI (a private one, of course; the NHS waiting list is infinite) to check for a stress fracture and muscle tears. 

So I was sent on my way.  I cancelled my work commitments for that day as 1) I would have struggled to walk from my car to my office 2) I couldn't sit comfortably so wouldn't have been able to focus on what was happening during my meetings and 3) I probably would have burst into tears if anyone had asked how I was doing - with strict instructions to take ibuprofen three times/day (Adam had suggested something similar but I don't like the idea of taking tablets for things so had only been taking them when the pain got really bad).  I was devastated, and sulked and sniveled for the rest of the day.

No swimming cap for me!

This morning when I got out of bed, I did so tentatively and with  my heart in my throat.  But my hip felt okay (probably 2-3/10 on the pain scale) and loosened up quite quickly.  Having consulted the previous day with Adam (who disagreed with the doctor about exercise - GENTLE exercise is the way to go - but agreed with her about taking ibuprofen regularly), I went to the gym.  I did my upper body workout and two very gentle and slow five minutes on the stationary bike.  I did my version of swimming - 15 minutes of flutter-kicking my way from one of the pool to the other - and sat in the steam room, sauna, and jacuzzi.  My hip felt fine throughout (1/10), and still feels fine hours later.

The important thing is how I feel tomorrow.  I'm hoping that I'll feel okay because what I really really really want to believe is that I still can be at the start line on 21 April.  I might need to do more walking than running, I might be hours slower than I had planned on being, but I will be so thrilled just to be there...and I'll still be faster than the guy in the deep-sea diver suit.

Any positive vibes that you care to send to my hip flexor will be greatly appreciated.